Enobytes Wine Blog

Yes, its that time of the year where wine, food, wine, friends, wine and family all come together and celebrate good times past, new beginnings and the eager anticipation of the future. It is considered one of the most joyful times of the year; that is, if you’re not giving the Toast of course.

We’ve all been there. Either at a corporate holiday party, the family table or out with friends. There comes a time in all of our lives, some more than others, where we are required to become Winston Churchill for a moment and inspire the huddled masses.

You know it’s coming but not sure when, kind of like a tornado, so you envision how this one will go. You find a moment to break off from the person your chatting with, find our glass (preferably, with wine in it), stand tall, get others to stop chatting with a slight tap of a knife on the glass, have all attention spans held for a moment, hold your head up regally high to then deliver words of inspiration, compassion and kindness. Once the words, which would make Bill Clinton jealous, emanate like velvet off your tongue, your raise your glass, cheers, take a confident sip and sit back down to congratulations, and you notice the subtle tears and glances around the table of, “Wow, that was an excellent toast. Women want him and men want to be him.” You did it, just as you thought it would go.

Though our intensions are pure and our hopes high, how quickly they often dash. Most of the toasts go something like this.

You awkwardly end a conversation (which you where only half-listening anyway since the toast was on your mind), clank a glass (which at first catches no consideration with the audience, then as you pound harder suddenly startles them), fixate on faces (and become uncomfortably aware of all the eyes now staring at you), start in on what you where hoping was the next Gettysburg Address (then become distracted by every person who scratches their cheek), fumble over some random thoughts (peppered with an inhuman amount of um’s), then finish off with a quick ‘cheers’ (quickly disconnecting eye contact while you gulp down your wine). Perfect as planned.

And, yes, it is as embarrassing as it feels to everyone at the table as well.

Ok, not to say you will turn into the next Toastmaster General after this, however please allow me to at the very least ease your mind and set you on a path to some dignity . . . and maybe fame (dare to dream).

The Basics of Toasting:

Body Language
Most of the time, it’s not what you say but how you say it. Your audience will feel as comfortable as you are projecting. Let them know you have the floor, but it’s everyone’s floor to share together in the notion. Try the following:

1. Stand whenever possible. This will separate you from a sitting group and let them know you’re ready to go. But don’t walk around, just stay near your seat so they know you’ll be sitting soon after a short speech.
2. Hold a glass in your hand at all times. Again, this displays a sense of brevity, lets people know it’s a toast coming and allows you to keep a free hand from becoming a distraction.
3. Use ‘bigger more animated’ facial gestures to your advantage. Smile big when you start. Use dramatic pauses and look away then back when coming to your most important part, and constantly scan the room (like a sprinkler head) with your eyes making sure to cover the whole group . . .even the people sitting right next to you.
4. Emanate casual confidence. People want you to be in charge for the moment, however not in a Napoleonic way. They want you to say something great, with confidence, so they can believe in your words. Remember, they all are rooting for you . . . as well as being your biggest critics.

The Key to Confidence
A special note on confidence. I’ve given many speeches over the years, mostly to smaller groups but also a few to 1,000 or so people. The number two comment I get is, “How do you look so confident, but in a pleasurable way?” Unfortunately, the answer doesn’t really make them feel any better about me, but it’s the absolute truth.

All truly great speakers, with me as a mere sub-apprentice to this group, make themselves believe they know more than their audience does. When I speak, I truly believe I know more than anyone in the room on that particular topic does. If someone rolls their eyes, frowns or even falls asleep, I can quickly think to myself, “Boy, they don’t get it” or, “That sleeping guy is really missing some good stuff.” It’s not easy to think this way at times.

When a speaker feels the pressure and questions their words, you can see it almost immediately as they sink into the stage.

Now, for your toast. The great thing is that it is YOUR toast, so you are the greatest expert on your topic. Right before you stand up, make sure you remind yourself of your expertise in your topic and convince yourself you’re the smartest person on the subject in the room. It will go a long way . . .if you can do it.

By the way, my number one comment I get is, “You are more passionate about wine than just about anyone I’ve ever met.” More on this below in ‘How You Say It’.

Watch What You Say
Now that we have you looking confident, DROP THE UM’s. Try very hard not to fill up thought-space with UM’s. The UM’s will kill you each and every time. People will start counting them rather than listening to your well thought out toast. Instead of an UM, just pause, twitch, wink, dance . . . anything but an UM. Well, just pause. Easier said than done, but much cleaner I promise.

Also, make the toast about anything or anybody but yourself. For ‘overly confident’ people like me, this is a tough one. However, your newfound confidence will be served well if you toast the office, the party, the host, the baby, the waiter, your wife’s boyfriend, the wall . . . anything but including you in on the speech. Its humbling, includes the whole group into your sentiment and they will buy into your toast all that much more.

And, Most Important, How You Say it
Passion is key. Even if you’re the CEO of IBM, the greatest leaders of our time come across as passionate and caring. You might be like me. I cannot play this off unless I truly believe it, so I will look for a topic I can become emotionally attached to. This will easily be felt and heard with the words I use and the tone in my voice. Don’t be scared to be passionate and feeling in your toast. Keep the corporate and conservative stuff for the boardroom.

The Topic – Prepare Beforehand
Now, this doesn’t mean a dissertation nor is it a step-by-step process. However, I suggest writing down three major topics you want to cover. For example, 1) welcome all, 2) great moments of the year, and 3) new beginnings. This will at least set your mind a bit at ease and your confidence level a notch higher knowing you have a quick agenda.

Practice
Best way to practice is that day so it’s fresh in your memory. Remember, this is a two-minute or less speech, so practice should be pretty straightforward. Try it in front of a mirror, or if that image scares you, stand-alone somewhere and quickly go through it. Don’t try to say it the same way each time. You want this to come across as unrehearsed, so cover your major topics and let the words flow from your thoughts.

Seconds Prior to the Toast
Quick mind checklist:

1. No Um’s
2. Be brief
3. Cover prepared topics, no matter what
4. Be aware of your body (face, stance, hand, glass, etc).
5. Confidence, because you know the topic more than anyone
6. Finally forget 1-5 above, and be passionate about your toast. Let it come from the heart.

The Toast

1. If standing, position yourself where most people can see you. If sitting, slowly stand.
2. Quietly, but confidently, hit your glass with a fork.
3. Say, “Excuse me for a brief moment.”
4. Wait for the chatter to subside, with a smile.
5. Go from topic to topic.
6. At the conclusion, slowly raise your glass and initiate the traditional ‘clinging other glasses’.
7. Be the last one to take a taste.

And that’s it. Nothing to it.

It is true, that death is the second greatest fear only to public speaking. If you can, try to embrace these sometimes-fleeting opportunities. Embrace the challenge and impact people’s lives in a positive way. There is no greater feeling knowing you touched someone in a personal and emotional way, even if it’s just for one moment. I promise. Experience it once, and you’ll be hooked for life.

Cheers to your next toast!

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